The tradition of new year’s resolutions dates back to ancient Babylonian times yet it has managed to stick around over the ages. To that effect, every new year brings with it more folks making new resolutions.
But promising to drink more water, or stick to a healthy gym routine will pale in comparison to these new year’s resolutions that will leave rolling on the floor laughing. Read on to kick off the new decade with a laugh!
#1 Patience is a virtue
We hope she’ll reach her goals soon, and by soon, we mean right now!
#2 Dream downsizing
Don’t ever downsize your dreams! This might be the year that you get signed to a record label. Also, not starving and dying sounds nice.
#3 We know, right? Lol
We think that “lol” makes everything more light-hearted and friendly, so why give it up? Lol!
#4 Accidental tweet
Some of us contemplate for a long period of time before we hit that tweet button. It’s important to check for any grammatical errors or misplaced punctuation marks. Also, working with only 280 characters can be a tough one when you’ve got a lot to say. On the other hand, some of us are way too excited to get our tweet out there that we accidentally hit send even before our sentence is complete. Admit it, it has happened to the best of us!
#5 Spend that money!
If you love your money, you should let it go. Now, when you put it that way, it makes sense. Maybe we can simplify this new year’s resolution into this: Let’s go shopping.
#6 Bad mix
Mixing sleeping pills with laxatives can only lead to two scenarios, and neither is pretty.
#7 How to give up alcohol
This has got to be the most misleading new year’s resolution we’ve ever seen. Or maybe it’s just a simple demonstration of how essential punctuation marks are.
#8 The life goal loop
Initially, it may look like this person hasn’t achieved any of their life goals, since his new year’s resolution is the same every year, right? But when you think about it, maybe he has several life goals and he’s spreading them out over the years to keep things interesting.
#9 We don’t roll that way
We would usually ask what this guy doesn’t roll with, but we won’t, because we don’t roll that way.
#10 First impression
It’s always a good idea to make a good first impression. You know, show people how well-mannered and polite you are. And once you’ve gained their trust, shock them with your true colors!
#11 Relationship status
When you update your Facebook details, make sure to change your relationship status from forever alone to slightly desperate. It may not look better, but at least it’s honest?
#12 Weight watching
This one is a bit of a head-turner, but, we hear ya.
#13 Don’t give up!
Setting 9 new year’s resolutions is actually a great idea. That way, as you gradually start to give up on them, you’ll have a few backups. As long as you stick to at least one of them…
#14 A real boyfriend
Being a proud cat owner is fantastic, but maybe it’s time to stop using him as an excuse for a boyfriend, and actually get out there to find a real one. You know, an actual person. Maybe you two can take care of your cat together?
#15 We want tacos!
Eating tacos should be a human right.
#16 Overcoming OCD
Believe in yourself and you can overcome anything. Believe in yourself and you can overcome anything. Believe in yourself and you can overcome anything.
#17 May we be assertive?
Being more assertive throughout the year is a great new year’s resolution! However, you shouldn’t ask permission from people to be assertive!
#18 Read more
If your new year’s resolution is to learn more about world history, we highly recommend starting with these three books.
#19 Directions from Siri
That’s right, we can get lost all by ourselves and we can do that perfectly without your help, Siri! Thank you very much.
#20 High-Def
Since the year 2020 is being associated with clarity and perfect vision, we could not have said it better than this guy. All our new year’s resolutions should be no less than 1080p!
#21 Brownie calories
This is a sign from the food gods. They’re telling us to burn calories at the gym, not in the oven.
#22 Cellphone is life
This is quite an accurate description of what this entire generation is about.
#23 Cat resolution
Our precious feline friends have new year’s resolutions too. And no, it’s not to take over the world in a Catastrophe.
#24 New year’s procrastination
Going to the gym is our biggest adversary, but we promise to go tomorrow. Or maybe the day after that…
#25 No resolutions
This new year’s resolution may not be funny, but it’s the best one yet. Let’s just do the right thing all day, every day. Here’s to making no new year’s resolutions anymore!
