When we talk to people while eating out, sometimes, the waiters and other customers can hear us, especially if the conversation is getting heated and voices are rising. Here are some of the most awkward stories from times when waiters accidentally overheard stuff.
#1 Couple issues
When I was serving, I walked up to a couple at a table with their food. As I approach, the chick said to the dude, “you need to decide what you want your life to look like and if I’m in it.” I turned around and chilled in the kitchen for a few minutes. —throwawayalldayyall
#2 She wants divorce
One of my first jobs as a server, working a lunch shift years ago. Husband and wife come in and sit down, already in a bad mood and fighting. This goes on for about ten minutes before I finally say f**k it, I have to greet them and get started.
I walk up to the table as they stare silently at each other in rage (my opening) and as I open my mouth to greet them the wife just spits out “I want a divorce.” —redrabbit1289
#3 Awkwardly happy
I once interrupted a granddaughter telling her grandfather she was pregnant. I could tell she was nervous from the second they walked in, enough that I clocked it and decided to pay extra attention in case something was wrong. And yeah I was also a little curious.
Things were pretty normal during the drink order, he got a beer, she got a coke. I was making the rounds past all of my tables so I could take a bathroom break and I was understandably distracted by the time I made it to them, my last table.
I was literally walking up and pulling my customer smile as she said “I’m pregnant. I think I’m gonna keep it.” I’m just standing there, closer to her than grandpa was.
Grandpa’s face lit up, he was in tears, and he was so happy to see me because he needed to order champagne and whatever dessert his granddaughter wanted so they could celebrate. He even insisted I have a glass with him. He let me finally go to the bathroom first though! —Oddment_Salvage
#4 Apology for violence
I waited tables for a summer job in high school. One weeknight, not too busy, there was a middle-aged, extremely COLD couple seated in my section having a very serious, quiet conversation. The woman was on one side of the booth, the man on the other… Very tense. While pre-bussing I caught a few snippets of the man apologizing for slapping/hitting and/or scaring the woman… Never picked up on the details (gave them a wide berth after that and gave the guy the entire ticket without asking), I surmised it was some kind of come-to-Jesus, Hail Mary attempt by the guy to reconcile… Her body language was stone-cold – she wielded her silence like a blunt object. I told my manager who shook her head and said to nobody, “Run far, run fast honey.” All these years later I can still see both of their faces clear as day. —North-Technician
#5 Unintentional offending phrase
I was serving a table 4 years ago, and everything was great, super friendly family; at one point, the kid was going on about a story that involved his toy; I wasn’t paying attention due to trying to listen to his mother ask about something, and at one point he said: “My grandpa and I used to play all the time, but he’s in the hospital with cancer.” I said, “oh, that’s great!” And I left. About halfway from leaving the table, I realized what he had said; I ran back and apologized, explaining that I didn’t know what he said, and the parents said, “it’s okay, it happens” I felt pretty bad the rest of the night. —Klutzy_Ad7281
#6 Exchange of partners
All of my experiences were very open and very awkward. I approached two weekly regulars (man and woman) who came in with another couple. Before I greeted them, the regular guy speaks up. He tells me he has to explain something.
“I have to explain something,” he says.
He motions to the woman sitting across from him, who is not the woman he is normally with.
“This is my wife.”
He motions to the woman sitting next to him, who is the woman he is always with.
“This is the woman I’ve been having an affair with.”
I greet the woman he’s been having an affair with and apologize to the man’s wife. She laughs, but it isn’t unkind.
“This is the man my wife has been sleeping with, who is the husband of the woman I’ve been having an affair with.”
My eyes dart around the table. I take a wine list from my apron and hand it to the wife.
“You’ll be needing the drink list then.”
The table erupts into laughter. —aboxofquackers
#7 Terrible husband
I went to the very end of my bar but I can hear this guy discussing that something was going on with his wife’s privates. Odor, pain, weird discharge. His friend said you should have her have that checked out. The guy said well then she will know.
Guy looked at me and had the audacity to ask me to leave my bar. Uh no. That’s where I’m supposed to be and where else do I go…stand in the middle of the room? It’s not a big place. So he starts whispering the rest to the guy’s ear.
To think you’re the only cheating guy who has given his wife some STI and has sat here discussing with friends. This happens a lot. My clientele is usually men who come here for conventions. —TenaciousToffee
#8 Classified Information
After I retired from the military I got a job as a defense contractor, but I had to wait a while for the security clearance process to do its thing (takes a while). So I was working several joe-jobs in the meantime to keep the bills paid. One of them was waiting tables.
One Friday afternoon a large group comes in, all fairly well dressed, and get a table together. It was obviously an “office lunch,” and I didn’t pay them too much attention (it was the other waiter’s table). That is, until I heard the topic of conversation.
I was two tables over when I overheard what they were talking about, recognized several keywords, etc. After about three minutes of listening I could tell exactly which government agency they worked for, had a pretty good idea which office they were in, and could tell who was a DoD civilian and who was a contractor. I had also determined that their conversation had bumped off the “classified” wall a few times, all while in a restaurant that was owned and operated by foreign nationals (and I know the owner had cameras with audio recording).
I managed to catch one of the customers after he came out of the bathroom and “strongly advised” that he and his colleagues alter their subject of conversation. When he looked at me funny, I ran down the list of everything I had gleaned from their discussion just by eavesdropping from one table over and watched the color drain from his face.
Three years later I was sitting in a “protecting secure information” seminar, and I heard this exact story told by the guy giving the speech. Apparently, the story of the semi-crazy white waiter in the Korean restaurant had left an impression. —just_some_a–hole
#9 Confused woman
I had a middle-aged woman who regularly came into my work at a Mexican restaurant and she always ordered a glass of milk and chicken mole enchiladas. It wasn’t so much a conversation I walked in on but more her spilling her heart out and literally sobbing about how she is still a virgin and really desires to be with a man but hasn’t because of her devotion to her religion. She told me that men had tried before but she “wasn’t about to go to hell for some man!!”
I really felt for the poor woman. She’s an odd duck and obviously very lonely… —Lauragggg
#10 Took their emotions in me
I remember some woman who was usually high maintenance came into a restaurant I worked at. She had her older mother with her. They were clearly upset. I overheard them talking about a death. I served them for over 2 hours.
She wrote a nasty note about how I was rude to them to my manager and I almost got written up. It was just an example of how people will take their emotions out on you. She said I had rushed them. I did not. I didn’t even care at the time since it was slow and I was working way past the lunchtime they came in. It was one of those moments where when the manager asked me about it shocked me and came out of the left field. —chopsueysuicide
#11 The danger of insensitivity
Not a waiter, but when I was 13 I was out with my friend and her older brother at a restaurant and there was a couple seated at the booth next to ours that was having a very loud fight over which company to buy a variety of sizes of dildos from. They only stopped cause a waiter interrupted them to take their order and asked them to be quieter. This was a family restaurant so after the waiter left almost every kid within earshot of this couple turned to an adult and asked “what’s a dildo?”, including my friend and me. —lolf*ckno
#12 Last moments interruption
I had one table at this Steakhouse I worked had come in for the last diner with one of their elderly relatives. The man must have been late 90’s – early 100’s. I guess he was going into the hospital or hospice the next morning where he was only going to have a day or two left to live. So, they came to the restaurant for their last meal.
They were all pretty stressed and tense for a while. I remember the woman who I assumed was the man’s daughter was being very picky and complicated with everything. Had I not known the situation, I’d have been annoyed. Once they had eaten and had some drinks you could tell they were loosening up and having the dinner they wanted to have. I tried to interrupt as little as I could and every time I did I was very aware that I was distracting from their time with a loved one. Everyone left seemingly pleased.
For a while, I could get my head around why they wouldn’t want to have a home-cooked meal. It really confused me until a bit ago I realized that I wouldn’t want to waste my time cooking a delicious meal either if I was in that situation. Much better to just spend the time with the person. —Zaphoid411
#13 It could be a crime
Was in a hospital’s food service department, not a waitress. Though since I took patients’ orders and brought them their food, I suppose that’s close enough!
I walked into a patient on her cell phone telling someone to “put the body in the freezer so it doesn’t rot until I’m home and can get rid of it.”
I . . . decided not to ask. —A_Miss_Amiss
#14 Got the Boot
I waited tables for 10 years. Anywhere from a family restaurant to fine dining, I’ve done it.
I’m 16 and this is my first ever serving job, I was on a Sunday morning breakfast shift (~8 am) and this small family comes in (mom, dad, and son). They’re not super cheerful or talkative – not everyone can be a morning person, but you can tell there’s some tension in the air. While serving them and pre-bussing I caught a couple of phrases or words the dad would say to the son. Such as, “check your attitude” or “not in my house” sort of thing.
Fast forward, the family has their check and they’re still talking in hushed, but tense tones. Next thing we know, the son TACKLES the father onto the table – breaking it instantly. They start struggling, wrestling, and screaming at each other on this broken table in the middle of a busy restaurant on a packed Sunday morning. All you hear is the son and father fighting since the restaurant goes silent once other customers realize what’s going on. S**t is flying everywhere, food and drink are flying onto other nearby tables. One of my coworkers had to start yelling for someone to call 911.
Turns out – the STEP father was sending his step-son to a boot camp for his behavioral issues. I guess the step-son didn’t take the news all that well…—Kobrazak
#15 Weird drama dialogues
Sometime last year, my sister and I were sitting in Subway eating our lunch. It’s an uncomfortably small restaurant in a strip mall, so everybody is crammed really close together in the dining area.
At a table diagonal from us, there’s an overweight balding man sitting by himself, talking on his cell phone. We can’t help but overhear the conversation.
Essentially, it sounds like he’s reciting B-grade action movie dialogue. “Is this a secure line? Good. Tell Alpha Redondo that they’ve moved to phase B. No, no, just tell him. He’ll know what it means. Scrub the motherboard.”
We were a little unsettled and pretended not to notice even though he was talking really loudly. We figured he was just a nutjob and was seeking attention. It got extra weird when a middle-aged lady came in and sat with him, and started talking to him in more action movie dialogue. They were both really serious about it. They discussed Dr. Octopus and what could be done about him, and they were using really corny code words.
It was intensely difficult not to look at them and act like we weren’t noticing anything weird. —Qcollective
#16 Another divorce conversation
Lady comes in by herself, kinda short with me but not too bad. Said she was waiting on one more so I let her be until he showed up. They both just had cokes and we had complimentary chips and salsa so they were good for a while. I kept swinging by to check on them or see if they wanted to order anything but they don’t want anything and are getting progressively ruder with each trip by but I have to keep coming by because it’s a f**king restaurant and it’s my job to serve them. They’ve been sat over an hour and I hadn’t checked on them in like 10-15 minutes and was doing a quick drive-by and the lady starts yelling at me saying “we’re getting a f**king divorce can’t you just leave us alone?!?!” Why the f**k would you go to a sit-down family restaurant to sign divorce papers??? If you don’t want to be bothered but still be in a public place go to a f**king coffee shop or literally anywhere else?? She ended up storming off to the bar downed a couple of margs and told the cocktail waitress to charge it to her husband’s tab…. —currently__eating
#17 Daughters’ foot
My wife and I are both waiters. Yesterday she had a 8-top with 4 couples. The men were on one side the women on the other. She dropped off the checks on the women’s side as they were in the process of discovering that all of their daughters sell feet pics and make more than their husbands do. —ThatsCaptainJones
#18 Bowel topic at lunch
At a club meeting, I attended at a local restaurant, some of the older members started talking about bowel movements. And this has happened at more than one meeting. BMs are not what I want to hear at lunch while trying to eat. —arandomlibrarian
#19 Friends’ future pregnancies
Not me but a colleague of mine was waiting on a group of two couples in their late teens/early twenties. They were talking about who would turn on to have kids first. They were discussing the details of each relationship to determine the answer, including their sex lives. They also started talking about another couple in their friend group who wasn’t there, but they concluded that they were probably the first ones of the group to get pregnant since they’ve been together for a steady two years and didn’t seem to have many problems in the bedroom either. This was obviously not a very comfortable conversation to overhear in general, but things got even more awkward when it turned out the guy from the absent couple was one of our colleagues they were talking about.
And apparently, they knew he was working at the place but still proceeded to thoroughly discuss the likelihood of him and his girlfriend getting pregnant, with his co-workers around hahaha. —Caramelizedcinnamon
#20 Educating daughter
At last a thread for me.
I had a table of a mom, I’m assuming grandmother and two kids. Right off the bat, the family is extremely polite, the two kids are weirdly mature for being around 8 years old. It’s hard to explain but they just had that older kind of energy (also didn’t want kids menus and sat rather still and proper throughout the meal). They were nice when I took their orders too, kids said thank you, made eye contact with me, and smiled.
So later I’m approaching their table and I hear the daughter ask: “so why can’t you have sex with your dad?” Like RIGHT as I arrived. The mom turns around and sees me. She and grandma laugh when they see the horror on my face. They ask me if I want to weigh in my opinion on that, and I jokingly am like “yeah most people are definitely gonna find that icky, to say the least, but that’s all I’m gonna say on the subject, this is a bit above my pay grade” I joke and scurry away, but as I’m walking away the mom starts explaining to the daughter that sex is something you’re supposed to do with a person you’re attracted to outside of your family, and that your dad is supposed to be a teacher and that having sex with a family member is a big no-no.
I kind of got the impression that dad wasn’t in the picture anyway but I thought it was interesting that the mother explained it so point-blank without making her daughter feel bad for asking. It was clear that part of the reason that the kids were so mature was that their mom was honest and didn’t treat them like they were stupid just because they didn’t have all the information yet. It was interesting. Definitely, a weird one to walk into though. —ffffsauce
#21 Dog thought of playtime
While camping our deaf Australian Sheppard ran up to the couple a few campsites down that were in the processes of screaming at each other having a huge fight. She ran up to them and wanted loves, had to walk into their site & pull her away since I couldn’t call her. “I’m sorry so sorry please excuse my dog shes deaf & thinks you guys are playing”. Awkward….. —RecluseAllKnight
#22 Another shady looking conversation
I was at the local public library one time and overheard a guy on his cell phone say something to the tune of “Did you get rid of it? Ok, Ok. We can’t talk about this over the phone, it’s not safe. I’ll meet you soon.” The strange thing was that this guy was in a suit, and not some shady-looking individual. Very professional. —[deleted]
#23 First date, not cute
A bad first date where a guy thought he was being cute and scooped his desserts whip cream with 2 fingers and wiped it on his date’s mouth as I walked up. I’ve never seen a woman go from pity to wrath so fast. —7HawksAnd
#24 I can understand you
I’m a server in Southern California while I attempt to make it through college. I’ve been at my restaurant so long I’ve actually become mostly bilingual (all the cooks are Hispanic and prefer to speak in Spanish). Well, one day I had a table of some arrogant Latin American folks, who were incredibly rude as I was providing them with excellent service. (Keep in mind I’m a pale white kid) So I overhear them conversing in Spanish trash-talking everything about the restaurant, myself included, for no reason at all, saying all kinds of terrible stuff. I let them go on throughout the dinner acting as though I had no idea and when I finally ran their card, I dropped off the check and said in Spanish “there you are my friends, I hope you have a wonderful evening” and walked away. —PostMaStoned
#25 Took off the ring
There was one in particular where I witnessed a guy take off his wedding ring and literally turn around to face a woman and start hitting on her not even a second later. She hadn’t seen him take off the ring.
Stupidly he put it down on the damn bar for some reason. I did interrupt and say “Is this yours?” guy said, “No, I think it’s my friend’s who just left, I’m sure he’ll be back for it.” The woman was not fooled. There was no friend with him, he was definitely there alone. He asked for his ring back before he left so he could “give it back to his friend.”
She took off and he sat there giving me dirty looks. —DTownForever
#26 My boss’ issues
I used to work as an assistant to a fairly high-powered individual with a very big brand image. Looking back, she was a major influencer before we had a word for it.
As her assistant, it was important to her that if someone showed up that wasn’t scheduled she be notified soon as possible. She hated making people wait but she also hated not being prepared for any meeting. —NYC_eagle
So one day, I get a call from security that her lawyer was coming up to the office, but her lawyer wasn’t on her calendar. So I walk into her office which had a separate receiving area. While I was in the receiving area, I could hear her ugly crying to someone on the phone. I hesitated and wondered if I should interrupt. In the period where I was trying to decide to interrupt, go back out, etc, I found myself just standing there listening.
In the 20-30 seconds I was there changing my mind over and over, I overheard enough to realize that her husband had taken a big chunk of her money and run away a mistress. Of course, while I was standing there in the receiving area her lawyer walked into her office because it turns out she was on the phone with her lawyer as they were in crisis mode. And they both realized I was standing there listening to the conversation.
I didn’t get fired, but I began looking for a new job shortly thereafter.
#27 She can’t hold it anymore
One Sunday morning around 9 am a friend and I was getting breakfast at this place where they bus in seniors every weekend. A big group of them had taken up a couple of tables near us and were chatting amicably, but one woman kept standing up and sitting down, looking nervous or worried. Finally, she stood up and someone else at the table asked loudly, all in a huff, ‘Where are you going, Cheryl?’ To which she replied at equal volume because she was clearly done trying to be low-key, ‘I have to poop Darlene, do you mind?!’ —libra00
#28 Uncovered unexpected stories
I managed a restaurant in a small estate (not sure what the American equivalent is, but it’s like a cluster of homes and apartments in a closed-off area with private pools and tennis courts and a bar and stuff in an otherwise suburban area).
Lots of double dipping of the residents, so someone was always shacking up with somebody’s ex. Lots of drunken squabbles. Lots of couples discussing their limited budget when they get a moment away from their friends. Lots of cheating stories.
I had a few favorite families that I thought were really wholesome and healthy. One day the dad came in with a drinking buddy and I heard him admitting how much he’s out of love with his wife and he thinks about leaving every day. Chantel deserves better. —HitMeWithYourBestBot
#29 Parting ways
I once sat down at a bar to pick up our food and I overheard the couple next to me talking in very tense, hushed tones. Being that it was still fairly early the place wasn’t that busy yet but relatively quiet so I was scrolling on my phone trying not to overhear.
The girl basically told the guy that she was leaving him and moving in with someone else. The guy looked like he just had his heart removed from his mouth and after a few awkward seconds she said “can you pay for dinner i left my purse at his house?” —godbullseye
#30 Cheat plan over the phone
This was in the 1980s and a landline. Was on the phone with a friend and suddenly a discussion between two women came on the same line. When they understood we were there as well, they told us to hang up. We just both went quiet and they assumed we had gone. Their discussion was about the other woman planning to cheat on her hubby and the other woman was helping her plan how to do it without getting caught. Don’t remember what end result was though.. —Groundbreaking_Boat8