#17 Insecurity Bombs It All
Basically, I was insecure and dealt with it in the worst way.
It was my first real relationship. We were together throughout college. By the time we were graduating, several factors came into play:
I made a slight change in the professional path I wanted to pursue, resulting in her getting into grad school before I did.
We were together for so long, I guess neither one of us knew we needed to put in the work to maintain our relationship: we hadn’t had sex in at least a year and really just started to feel like roommates
I got comfortable and let myself go and gained a lot of weight — maybe this is why I wasn’t getting any.
So after the gf moves for grad school, we’re attempting long-distance. I’m fat. Attention needy. Unhappy with the stagnation of my life. I’m insecure af. I decide I’m unhappy with all the weight I’ve gained and try to do something about it. I finally get skinnier. The gf is busy with her new life and new grad program, so I’m still not getting the attention I need, I also was young and stupid and did not know how to communicate my needs clearly. I notice other people have started paying attention to me, and I get addicted to the validation I’m getting from other people. Eventually, I end up cheating on her, she finds out because I wasn’t even smart about it, and it broke her heart.
She was a good girl and hurting her has been one of the biggest regrets of my life. It was a huge lesson for me. I’ve since learned how to communicate my needs more clearly, how to see value in myself instead of needing validation from other people, and to just be honest in a relationship and that includes ending it if the commitment isn’t there anymore. I’m the most loyal partner now, I just regret that she was collateral damage in this life lesson of mine. —DM-YOUR-SECRETS