Caught Red-Handed: These are the Dumbest Excuses to Cheating People Have Heard

These people dug their own graves with their dumb excuses

Caught Red-Handed: These are the Dumbest Excuses to Cheating People Have Heard 1
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Breakups are hard and they happen for a lot of reasons. Losing a significant other sometimes feels like losing a part of yourself as well. What these people experienced adds insult to the injury because apart from getting cheated on, their exes also had the guts to give them lame excuses.


#1 Pop-Tarts

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A friend in college cheated on his girlfriend because she told him he had to stop eating pop tarts to lose weight, and he didn’t know how to break up with her. When she found out, he straight up told her to her face he couldn’t give up pop tarts. I wish that was a lie, those things are high in calories. —Krunzuku

#2 No Answer

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Bestie was in the hospital having emergency surgery. Her family told her then-boyfriend, Sam, he never responded or showed. Cheated on her with a girl from high school, claiming “Well she didn’t answer for 2 days!!” Yeah because she was nearly dead, eff you, Sam —P_princess

#3 Out of Sight, Out of Mind

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“I thought you’d left!” – said to my college roommate when she left a party at her boyfriend’s house, realized she’d forgotten something, went back, and found him in his bedroom with someone else. She dumped him and it became a running gag for us to yell it at each other at random times. “Hey, can you get my lunch from the fridge for me?” “I thought you’d left!” —[deleted]

#4 Rewriting the Stars

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Photo by National Cancer Institute from Unsplash

My buddy’s dad was diagnosed with Colon cancer. He starts going to chemo and his wife starts going out with some other guy.

His sister found out his mom was cheating on his dad so she told my buddy and he sat his dad down and talked to him.

Dad confronts cheating mom and she says (paraphrasing) “my fortune-teller told me that the best way to get over your death would be to start something new with someone else.”

Now mind you, his dad’s not dead, or really even close. The cancer is responding well to chemo, and he’s been slowly getting better.

She literally tried justifying cheating on him because he might die….

She no longer lives in the house, and she, best to my knowledge, has been ex-communicated from the family. —bigdicken

#5 Dental Hygiene

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Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

One morning I went to brush my teeth and my toothbrush was wet… I found that odd, so I asked my girlfriend if she used the blue toothbrush, she said “yeah” all casual. I said that the pink toothbrush was hers and she played it off like she didn’t know. I suddenly realized that we had been using the same toothbrush for a few weeks and it kind of grossed me out. That started a very small argument. I went to work as did she, but she didn’t come home that night. The next morning I called her out and she admitted that she slept with another guy that didn’t think she was gross. —atlasbranded

#6 Stress

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My ex-wife and I had been together since before university, been together through university (different unis, same city), then got engaged and married after uni. When I got my first actual big job after my graduation job a couple of years later we had to move across the country. She had been excited about the move, found a new job, and got really involved in choosing the apartment we’d rent whilst we got set up and planning kitchen items she’d buy with my extra pay… it all seemed good and she genuinely seemed pretty excited for it.

About 2 weeks before the main move (I was already working there and commuting back and forth) I find out she’s cheated, and then that she’s cheated in the past and then that she cheated a year or more ago.

Her excuse: stress. Worried about moving to a new city? Bone a guy. Worried about your new job? Bone a guy. Worried about exams? Bone a guy.

She genuinely tried to make me feel sorry for her that she got so stressed that she had no option but to go and sleep with other people. I agreed with her that if that were true she had real problems and needed help, but disagreed that it was going to be my problem anymore.

It was a long time ago now, but a real eye-opener about other people lol. Can’t be too angry though as we got married too young and the years that followed my divorce were some of the best of my life. Plus if it weren’t for that I wouldn’t have met my wife or have the family I have now, so all for the best in the end. —Jjex22

#7 Unlimited Pass

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A married friend of mine agreed to a threesome with hubby once. He then started sleeping around with other women when she wasn’t present, claiming that she agreed to the threesome, so it’s okay and she can’t be mad. Sadly she stayed with him and now they’re in an “open relationship”, meaning he can bring women home but she can’t sleep with anyone else. She’s miserable. —enematowel

#8 Demon Inside

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In high school, I dated this guy who was pretty mentally unstable. He claimed he had a demon inside of him (100% sure it was some multiple-personality disorder or something similar) and he said that his “demon” needed to find a mate too, and it wasn’t fair for him to be stuck with me too like his “host”, my boyfriend, was.

Well, I was 15 and very stupid (and terrified of being dumped) so after a lot of crying and pleading for him to not cheat, I eventually gave in.

Man if I could go back in time and slap 15 year old me… —SharpieScentedSoap

#9 Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss

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Photo by Surprising_Shots from Pixabay

My girlfriend of 4 years cheated on me. She had a history of depression and self-harm and was generally just a horribly depressing person to be around now that I think about it.

The first time I found a used condom in our trashcan – She said “I used that on a banana” – I said, “wow that banana must have a big load, check out the inside.”

She then proceeded to start cutting herself and taking pills after I dumped her – eventually took her back which was a big mistake. Had to call the police on her on this occasion because she sent me pics of her bloody wrist.

The second time she cheated – one of her friends messaged me on Facebook and said “Yo dude I had no idea you 2 were dating… I’m so sorry but we hooked up when you were away for work. I just wanted to let you know.”

I confronted her, she denies it adamantly. I dump her and drive home. She texts me 4 minutes later saying “I’m so sorry for doing this….”

I turn around and arrive back thinking she’s gonna off herself. She took a “bunch of sleeping pills”. Take her to the hospital and she refuses to get out of the car. The cop at the emergency room forces her out of the car… I’m just like dafuq is going on… ended up staying because there was no definitive proof……….. don’t ask

Fast forward 6 months. The last time she lied about being raped, to which I laughed hysterically at her and left her while she was crying. That was about 3 months ago.

This last time all happened while on vacation in Europe, living at her parents’ house. Let me tell you how much of a crap show this was. She goes out with “friends” and drops me off downtown in a country where I don’t speak the language… Tells me she’s gonna pick me up at 2 AM. 4 AM rolls around and she no shows so I get a taxi home obliterated on about 10 Guinness. The next day I find used Plan B in her purse lol. Confront her and she lies about it 3 times.

I bought that for us

I bought that for a friend

I got raped

She refused to report it, refused to get tested for STDs. I laughed in her face, called her parents and told them her story, then booked a flight home a month early. The day before I leave she asks “If I go to therapy will you stay? No. Can I come back to the US with you? No. Can we get back together in 2 months? I said, have you heard of that one Taylor Swift song? We are never ever ever….

The night before I leave I say “If you tell me who raped you I’ll consider staying.” She is hesitant to give it to me.

She gives me some random dude’s name, pure  BS. I say ok, I’ll stay. Bone her one last time that night and dip out the next morning. Took a taxi to the train station, train station to the airport, airport to another airport to another airport… 72-hour trip.

Total.. Freaking.. Nutjob —[deleted]

#10 Workaholic

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“You’re always working and I’m lonely! It’s not like I slept with anyone, there’s no one on there anyway!”

Said by my ex-fiance when I caught him on a dozen dating sites, sexting and trying to talk a bunch of fat women into sleeping with him. I mean he wasn’t lying, I was working all the time so I could, you know… make money for us to live on. Eff me right?! I guess if I’d paid more attention to him he wouldn’t have “had” to seek attention from other women. 1nymphaetamine

#11 He Reminds Me of You

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I was in Michigan putting my grandfather to rest while my fiance at the time was at home in NH setting up an apartment for college. On my way home (driving through Canada) I noticed my debit card was being declined. Thankfully, I had enough cash on hand to pay for gas.

I kept calling her to see if things were alright, if she needed help moving stuff, if she was still staying at her friend’s house.

Nothing. Finally, get to NH about 12 hours later and find that there is no trace of any money left in my account. 12k gone.

I call the bank and they say it was withdrawn from an authorized member of the account.

Call my fiance and still nothing. Get a call like 3 days later with her crying saying she cheated on me.

“You were gone and he just reminded me of you so much.”

Well, I bet you’re wondering what happened to the money. Well, she withdrew it to invest in her new BF’s budding (pun intended) drug business.

Boy oh boy. Then she had the audacity to say this kid of hers was mine when I was in basic and her mother was hoping and hollering at me saying “That’s why you ran away to the military, to avoid being a father.”

That witch got knocked up and dropped like a rock then has the nerve to say the kid was mine. (It wasn’t, we hadn’t had sex for a month or two prior and unless the gestation period for redheaded women is 11 months there was no way.)

Decided to be the bigger man and not tell her mother about her transgressions but do help her do simple math. Suggest that maybe she should talk to her daughter.

That was almost 9 years ago and it still eats at me sometimes. I have a wife, two kids, a good job, and everything but sometimes I wake up and think “Man, what did I do wrong.” —micahamey

#12 Seize the Day

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My girlfriend at the time and I were at a concert. I lost her for 1 set and then caught her making out with her friend. She told me she had cancer and wanted to experience as much as she could before she died. We then broke up (of course) and months later she told me that a priest cured her cancer and that she wanted to get back together. —thicccdoggo

#13 Uno Reverse

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That it was my fault she slept with three different guys because I didn’t do enough for her

Yeah, paying the rent, and for her car, and going out to dinner once a week (minimum) as well as spending what time I could with her wasn’t enough apparently.

Followed up by “well I was going to end it anyway so it’s not really cheating, we’re more like roommates I’d say, I was gonna suggest we just keep living together even after this”

Like.. after 6 years I was supposed to want to be roommates/friends with her? Just so I could pay for everything still? —zornyan

#14 A Mistake

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“It was a mistake, I messed up. she didn’t mean anything anyway.”

I forgave him, we had sex, he said he loved me. the next day, while I worked a 14 hour day so I had the next day off to spend with him, he went on tinder, found a match, set up a bowling date, took her home, and had her stay the night. all the while texting me telling me how much he couldn’t wait to spend the next day with me. I told him I hoped he found the Tinderella of his dreams. —BirdDog360

#15 Hottest Wife Contest

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My husband’s ex: “people thought his wife was hotter than me.”

As far as my husband can tell, nobody ever said that to her, nor was there ever any kind of “hottest wife contest” or any other reason anybody WOULD judge the wives of the people in his social circle. But for whatever reason, his (soon to be ex) wife got it in her head that people thought that she came in second place on the list of wifely hotness.

And this would NOT do.

So she either plotted and waited or just took an opportunity when it presented itself. When the supposedly hotter wife was in the third trimester of her first pregnancy, my husband’s (soon to be ex) wife seduced and had an affair with the hotter wife’s husband.

Three months or so after the baby was born, the cheating husband decided to confess. It did not go well for him. He was kicked out of the house, and the hotter wife confronted my husband’s (soon to be ex) wife. That’s when she went full evil villain. Monologued the hell out of it. Said the hotter wife “deserved it” because “everyone thinks she’s so hot, but she can’t even keep a husband.”

Hopefully, it made her feel better because my husband packed his stuff and never looked back.

The weirdest part about this whole thing is that I’ve seen pictures of both women, and as much as I like to hate my husband’s crazy ex-wife, she was MUCH better looking than the woman whose husband she cheated with. And I’m not talking just one pic of each where maybe one had a good angle and the other had a bad hair day. I’ve seen dozens, on multiple social media accounts. No sane person would believe that anyone had considered the cheated-on woman to be “hotter” than the cheater.

But then if my husband’s ex-wife had been sane, they’d probably still be married. —grantchart

#16 Just Being Helpful

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Photo by StockSnap from Pixabay

I caught my ex with our friend’s 18-year-old little sister on our big annual friend group vacation.

We’d all been at the bonfire, and it was late so I went to bed in our cabin. He said he’d be in soon. When an hour passed, I went looking and found them in the bathroom of her cabin. She was on the sink, pants down, and he was standing in front of her.

I asked, “what the heck are you doing?”

He responded, “uh, she peed her pants and I was helping her.”

Sure, dude. K. —ohfarts514

#17 Boredom Strikes

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Photo by Claudia Wolff from Unsplash

I was asleep and he was “bored”. He literally got out of bed with me, walked to an ex’s house, cheated with her, then walked back home and got back into bed with me. Tried to pretend he’d been there the whole time. When I confronted him he admitted everything and told me the reason is that he was bored since I was asleep. —Ohsojme

#18 Double Standards

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Went to different colleges and noticed some dude being extra friendly on her Facebook. Confronted her about it and she basically admits it and says “well, I don’t consider kissing someone else cheating.”

So I asked if she’d care if I’d been flirting or making out with girls at parties and she says “Of course. That’d be cheating!”. Me, “So, by that logic you cheated…” She didn’t agree and things were over fairly quickly after that. —dunord218

#19 For Revenge

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“I did it because I thought you did”

I was hanging out with two of my friends once, Jacob & Sarah. We got some sweet frog and went back to Jacobs to hang out. My now ex-boyfriend and I were in a kinda new relationship and boy did he show his true colors, not only did he show up at sweet frog to see what I was doing, (because he didn’t believe the three of us were just hanging out) he also showed up to Jacobs house later that night and embarrassed himself. Tried fighting him, made Sarah drive my car back to her house, and made me leave with him. It was then revealed to me he cheated on me that same night while I was with my friends because he thought I was messing around with Jacob. —_macncheese_

#20 We Were on A Break

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Photo by M. on Unsplash

Mine wasn’t super dramatic but made me mad. We were on a break and got back together and eventually engaged. I knew he’d been with someone over the break, but no big deal since it was a break. Found out, though, they were still doing it and his reaction was, “I’m sorry. It means nothing.” Then he leaned in to kiss me when I started crying, looked me in my face, and said, “you know this kiss means nothing too, right?” Never have I felt such heartbreak and anger like I did in that moment. It left me pretty messed up for a while. —Time_Traveling_Panda

#21 An Act of Heroism

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Had a friend in high school cheat on his girlfriend. He told her that he was hanging out with another girl when the heat went out in the house. He said having sex was the only way they could avoid freezing.

The real sad thing was that his girlfriend believed him. —ouchmyprostate

#22 Just Checking

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Photo by Eric Nopanen from Unsplash

Got invited to one of “the popular girl’s” 18th birthday party back in the day. This bloke, let’s call him “Jeff” cheats on his girlfriend of 1 year with a girl at this party. They did the deed in the girls’ mother’s room which was next to the living room behind glass double doors. Everyone got an eyeful of this pair going at it. The next morning Jeff’s girlfriend comes to the house after hearing what happened. A load of us stayed the night and we were woken up by the girlfriend shouting. Jeff who was still extremely drunk tried to play it off by saying “Baby, I was just doing my nightly AIDs check and slipped I fell onto the girl”.

Somehow they stayed together after that and it was the second time he’d cheated on her. —kimantor1

#23 Days to Live

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Photo by Pexels from Pixabay

My ex-wife and I had been together for, about 2 or 3 years at this point. The ex in question was her high school sweetheart who fled the city because he got in trouble with the police. (This story, by the way, doesn’t take place in the US). So one evening she gets a text, and she rushes off to go make a call. About an hour later she gets done, and I ask her wat’s up. She is evasive, but eventually, she tells me that it was *that* ex, and he is back in town after nearly 5 years.

She says that she told him off, and it was well.

Well, the texting doesn’t stop and she says it’s important because he is back in town because he has cancer, and his family is taking care of him, and he regrets things, and yadayada. His last wish is to make peace and see her. Me, being the idiotic empath I am, is like ‘sure, fine. I trust you, so you do what you have to do.”

The day comes she is supposed to meet him. It’s a sleepy Saturday morning, and she leaves as quick as she can and I go about my day. The morning turns to evening, and evening to night and she comes back at about 11 pm.

Assurances were given that it was all done, and everything. (it wasn’t) and that nothing untoward had happened. Now, she gets jealous, defensive and evasive about everything. Things like when she’d sit in another seat on the bus that wasn’t by me, she’d get extremely jealous if another woman sits beside me. Mostly she was jealous of the self-defense class I taught on the side to women, and she hated my students.

This goes on for a few weeks until we break up. Now, I knew based on her behavior what had happened, and I got confirmation a while later after the divorce. We worked at the same place and were casual friends. (this isn’t even getting into when my then-current pregnant baby’s momma, ex-wife, and I were in a training for three weeks, and assigned seating had the three of us sitting together for the whole thing…)

But during that time she told me that she was so high-strung because she slept with her ex and thought I was cheating on her. She still pulled the “Well, I thought he had cancer” card. (he did not) —dreaminggod05

#24 Felt Trapped

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She felt “trapped,” she said. We had a 1-year-old at the time. She abandoned us and went on to have at least two kids with some piece of work. Really boggles the mind why she did that but I stopped trying to figure that out long ago.

Well, long story short I didn’t let her take the kid with her. Heck no. I got a very expensive lawyer, she didn’t. At-fault divorce, no alimony. I got custody, I didn’t seek child support because she doesn’t have it, I don’t need it and I’m perfectly happy having NO ties to her whatsoever.

Far as I know she’s still alive, I’d probably have heard if she died.

This was over a decade ago. I and my kid are doing just fine. She’s, I don’t know probably still lives in the state I think. She did try to come back a few months after (once it was clear that she wasn’t going to live on my money anymore) but that bridge had been burned and the ashes launched into the sun. —faceeatingleopard

#25 Not Mad Enough

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Photo by Rene Asmussen from Pexels

I found out she cheated on me with a coworker, but admitted it immediately and asked me to forgive her (just got married 3 months before this after 7 years together). It hurt but I forgave her. The next weekend she did it again because “clearly I don’t care about her since I didn’t get that mad.” I wasn’t as forgiving the second time, broke some things in our house just to prove how pissed I was, then we split. My life is so much better now. —S1ick_R34p3r

#26 It’s Not Serious

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Photo by Christian Erfurt from Unsplash

First, he said, “I didn’t want to cheat, she threw herself at me.”

And then he added, “You didn’t speak to me for days. I thought we broke up. So technically, I didn’t cheat.”

The reason I didn’t speak to him is I asked him if he was cheating on me, and he refused to answer. So I told him to come to talk to me ONLY when he has an answer to my question.

The final excuse that took the cake was, “She’s too young for me to take her seriously. It’s not cheating if I am not in love with her.” The poor lady was 22 years younger than him. He’s daughter was 20 years old when that happened.

I saw them holding hands walking to his regular hang-out. I was going out with my best friend because I had a very very strong feeling that I would bump into him that night. We passed by the cheating man with his new chick. He froze on the spot when he finally saw me, and proceeded to throw her hand away, and pushed her aside. —Tiny_Pochemuchka

#27 Nice Truck

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Photo by Scosche from Pexels

So about a year ago, I started going out with this girl, things were going excellent. She checked off all the boxes in regards to that perfect future partner type deal. Things went excellent for a good while.

Until one day we went to a local gathering among some friends and acquaintances. We decided to go out to this party because I had been so busy working on my education (I am working towards becoming an aerospace engineer so as you can probably imagine I wanted to pull my hair out most days lol) Anyways it was at a mutual friend’s house, and about a week later I see her truck over at his house while I’m out for a run. When I confronted her, she said and I quote “His truck is so nice and it’s got chrome wheels and he’s got so much money” So we broke up.

My story does have a good ending though!! 2 months after that point, I find out he was arrested for fraud, and selling drugs. And those two lived happily ever after if I’m not mistaken. —Creative_Rubbish_99

#28 Commitment Issues

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Photo by Jeswin Thomas on Unsplash

He liked me “too much”, but didn’t want to start a “normal” relationship (as in didn’t want to go on regular dates, put a label on things, introduce me to the family, admit that he had strong feelings for me to his friends, etc)

So he went on dates with random women (usually only one date), spent some dinners with some ex-girlfriends, and finally slept with his “one that got away” because I didn’t mind the dinners/dates in the slightest. We never agreed to be exclusive, and I just hadn’t really gone on other dates due to a busy work schedule, and his was the only schedule that lined up with mine.

I was willing to let it all go, chalk it up to cold feet and a fear of being vulnerable, and take things slowly. No labels, no family dinners, none of it, just continuing on as we had been (casual dates, casual sex, the occasional text or phone call). Apparently, my reaction just further strengthened his resolve to bail, so he boned our mutual friend’s girlfriend and ghosted me and like 6 other friends during the aftermath of THAT drama.

I’ve never been hurt or wounded by this, just… wildly confused. —mosscoveredapiary

#29 Seating Arrangement

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Photo by Dmitriy Ganin from Pexels

Not my story but a couple I was friends with in college. The girlfriend was cheating on her boyfriend for months with a classmate, apparently, it started because she had him at her apartment and she had to sit on his lap while they did their work “because of lack of chairs.” —QueenTzahra

#30 Spiteful Partner

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I wasn’t in the relationship but this girl I worked with used to tell everyone about her sexual escapades with other men while her current boyfriend slaved all day to pay for their entire living expenses and he did so happily because he was “head over heels” for her. This girl would go into gross detail about some of the things she did. Sometimes out of spite because “he forgot to pick up the mail” or “didn’t put away all of the dishes”. It was like she was punishing this guy behind his back without him knowing anything and felt fully justified in doing so.

The inevitable twist in this story was when she came into work steaming. Proverbial puffs of white-hot steam were coming out of her ears. We come to find out that she had caught him this morning cheating on her with another woman. They talked and apparently that it has been going on for just about as long as she’s been doing it to him.

I felt the need to remind her that she’s been doing the same stuff to him in an attempt to have her realize the wrongness of her actions and I’ll never forget her response.

“It’s different because I caught him and he didn’t catch me so as far as he knows, I’ve been faithful.”

Happy ending to this story? Not really. They’re still living together and gave birth to their first kid a couple of years ago. Not sure if they’re happy or not. —TheDrLegend


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