#26 Gaslighting effect
I got PTSD to physical child abuse that I had previously never known had happened.
I had known for a long time that my parents were verbally and emotionally abusive. But I blamed myself for their abuse of me – even as an adult, I thought that they were right and that they were mistreating me because I was lazy, stupid, and weak. I thought that they were right and that I deserved their verbal and emotional abuse because I was fucked up and messed up. Of course, they had told me that all of my life, so naturally, if you are told something from a young enough age onwards, you are highly likely to just keep on believing it.
Well, at the age of 31, I started getting flashbacks to severe physical abuse that they had perpetrated against me when I was 3, 4, 5, and 6 years old, up until I was about 14 years old. This violence was something which, due to traumatic dissociation (a pre-cursor to PTSD) I was not aware had happened (a child’s brain shuts off in response to too much fear, and the memories are left dissociated, outside of awareness.)
Once I got these flashbacks, I could not believe that they had been so hurtful towards me when I was that young.
I cut contact, and I hope I never go back. —[deleted]